There I was on the journey toward mindfulness screeching through the parking lot in a desperate attempt to get past the auto doors and into groceries before closing time. It's 9:47pm.
I recite the list in my head and grab a cart. Wheeling it nimbly around I'm happily calling Amanda to pronounce myself king for making it in time and to ask her what was the other thing she wanted me to get besides milk.
"Tea" she says after giving props, "I REALLY need some good tea". Oh yeah, tea.
I pop a cart wheelie and drive promptly into the auto doors which don't budge but make quite a loud sound when rammed with a metal box. A man with no soul is tapping on the glass and pointing to his watch, "We close at 9:30, sir", his eyes shifting to inspect the doors for damage. "It's Sunday" he says.
I can't speak as I walk shamefully back to the car and consider how miserable a Monday morning could really be with nothing to feed the kids, no tea and, worst of all, I'm leaving early for work and laying it all at my dear wife's aching pregnant feet.
How is my world of part time stay at home Papa, so dialed in just moments earlier, tossed this easily into disarray...chaos. Driving home I realize how unfit I am to be charged with rearing children...educating children!! I can't even manage to get food for breakfast.
I wheel into the driveway. Radio off. Driving slow.
The headlights illuminate my yard in all its' neglected beauty. This sight does little to boost my spirits.
Hoping to do something of benefit before leaving I set the alarm an hour early.
I wake determined to dent the formidable wall that is my list of chores. Chores that must happen before the weather flies south for winter. I grab my camera on the way out and begin documenting what i see. Unruly wisteria, leaky shed roof, wood pile, randomly strewn objects. At first I'm framing shots like an insurance adjuster, just the facts. Soon, the morning air loosens the tension from my face and I'm enjoying myself. No worries. No hurries. I walk through the wet grass.
Grinning, I snap a few more pictures as the sun rises over my shoulder... That's better.
Now I need to find a store that's open this early.
"All you do is head straight for the grave, a face just covers a skull a while. Stretch that skull cover and smile." - Kerouac