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I am thrilled to share with you the series of guest posts appearing here in the coming weeks, as I take a little extra time to settle in and soak up my family and the new life among us. "Soulful Mothering" is a series of written words, photographs, craft projects and thoughts on mothering from some of my favorite ladies on the web. I'm so grateful to each of them for sharing their time with me, and their hearts and words in this space. I have been inspired by the gifts they've shared, and I'm sure you will too. Enjoy!
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I know it might sound strange, but I was scared about having a baby. Not because I didn’t want to be a parent, but because I had been told that I couldn’t have children. Hearing those words changes everything. Being a mom was always something I had wanted, but when I was told it wouldn’t be possible, I had planned a totally different life.
Then the line unexpectedly turned blue.
That first pregnancy was such a selfish dance. I worried about my work, my dreams, my plans. Children
were not supposed to be in the picture, and I did not know how they would fit into what I wanted to do
with my life. Then, of course, he arrived. All of those selfish thoughts that I had tried to keep so firmly in my head just fell away, and a new sense of direction came forward. I did not lose my Self in my children, in fact I think that it was the exact opposite. All of the dreams and plans and hopes that I had for myself just expanded. Everything seemed to grow bigger and brighter, and suddenly not only was I motivated to see my life fulfilled, but I was excited to watch the dreams of my children unfold as well.
There are days where the old insecurities appear, and I feel scared that my life will not be lived the way I had hoped, that I will be lost in a world of spit-up, of sleeping routines, and temper tantrums. Just when the fears seem to be engulfing me, one of my children looks at me and, from that deep place of truth, says I Love You. That is the reminder that my dreams are not really about doing as much as I can while I am on this earth, but rather to cultivate the most sacred of relationships with another human being. If I can do that, if I can allow myself to be fully present in this time with my children, than there will be little else that I will want for, and that would be a life truly fulfilled.
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