It's Friday! Time for our weekly trip down blog memory lane- this one was a post I wrote for a weekly Self-Portrait Series hosted by Kath (the creator of Whip Up).
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Self-Portrait Tuesday: Identity
{Originally posted November 15, 2005}
{photo is from 2001, but the post was written in 2005. Sorry to confuse!}
For today, I'm going back to the beginning of my mama-hood. I found this picture recently, and it brought back a flood of memories and emotions. It's Calvin and I four years ago, in our old apartment...before Steve "found" his career, before Ezra and Adelaide, before our house--it all seems like a million years ago. I was (and still am, I think) a young, young mother. I was 23 when I met Steve, instantly fell in love and married, and decided right away to have a child. Just out of college, really...I spent only two years working. None of my friends had children--or were even close, and I suddenly found myself completely alone and isolated in so many ways. I was full of such a powerful love for this little boy of mine, and yet I was completely overwhelmed... by parenting him, figuring out my new role as someone's wife, and making meaningful connections with other parents. I had all these strong convictions and ideas about how I wanted to parent in a gentle, respectful way--yet it was so unlike any kind of parenting I had experienced or even witnessed much of at that point. This photo is a reflection for me of the complexity of all those feelings together--of my deep love for my child, a strong passion to be the parent I wanted to be, and the immense struggle to make that happen.
Lots of things have changed since that moment....I have so many more resources to parent with; have found myself in a supportive community; and I have lots more confidence in myself, and even a little experience now, as a mama. But the struggle--sometimes ugly, sometimes beautiful-- remains each and every day to really *listen* to my children and myself, and to be the parent they deserve to have.
Self Portrait Tuesday bloggers here, with a great November theme of "Exploration of Identity." Kath, you rock...thanks for making me really think about this each week.
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A Note Today:
I was recently (re)directed to this post by a new Mama, and well...maybe I'm feeling a little sentimental these days, but it seemed like a good time to revisit it. And just how is it that the rolly-polly bald headed sweet pea is about to be NINE this winter? Oh, time.
Regularly scheduled programming happening here this weekend with some Sponsor goodness! Thank you, for your sweet words of support, and Happy Weekend to you, Friends!
